


All the stars are a riot of flowers

by katsudonpirozhki



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Good End, It's a music AU but there's more feelings than music I'm sorry, M/M, Music, Music AU, This is not a shigatsu AU, Victor plays the violin but that's supposed to be a surprise, Yuri plays the piano, Yurio's still a figure skater, no one dies, not a tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-04
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-09-14 17:34:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9196310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsudonpirozhki/pseuds/katsudonpirozhki
Summary: A chance meeting brings Yuri and Victor together, and from that moment on, their lives begin to intertwine in an inexplicable manner. The fragility of their relationship is exemplified in their weaknesses and insecurities, but eventually they find themselves in each other, and in music.Music AU where Yuri Katsuki plays the piano, Yuri Plisetsky pursues competitive skating, and Victor Nikiforov and Mila Babicheva teach at the local skating rink. (Victor plays the violin as well, but shh.)





	1. initial awakening; vanishing act

**Author's Note:**

> This is not beta-ed, my apologies.

The clear sounds of notes resonated through the school campus, the vibrations reverberating against the walls that encircled the central plaza. On the piano bench sat a young man, perfect posture with his back straight, long fingers curled delicately, swift against the black and white keys.

 _Expressivo_.

Oblivious to his surroundings, the pianist lost himself in the sounds of the instrument, fully engrossed in the music he was creating. His body swayed along, part of the evocative performance he had taken upon himself, and a bead of perspiration – the result of the heat and his concentration – cascaded down the side of his face.

The piece slowly hit a quiet before the volume increased once again. What followed were trills, and the ever-increasing frequency of the rich piano sounds that emerged from the strings within. As if signalling the imminent end of the piece, skilled fingers glided across the surface of the keys – _glissando_ – and with a short intake of breath for good measure, the pianist poised himself, squaring his shoulders as he hit the final chords. A flawless end for a dexterous pianist.

He knew the piano well. He knew it at the back of his hand, and he knew how to use it to his advantage to produce music that could express himself best.

However, as soon as he lifted his hands off the keyboard, his back slumped and the self-assuring air he had been clinging to dissipated in an instant. In that moment, he wasn’t a pianist. He was a lone figure glued to the piano bench, shrouded in dark clouds of anxiety.

Victor witnessed the stark contrast, and for some reason, couldn’t keep his eyes off the pianist. He was enchanting and beautiful while producing that heavenly melody… Yet, when the music came to an end, that talented pianist’s charisma seemed to have faded, his confidence chipped away at.

 

“Victor? Hey, Victor,” Mila nudged Victor, causing him to snap out of his daze. Caught off guard, Victor blinked a few times, realising he hadn’t moved an inch, rooted to the ground after being captivated by the pianist’s brilliant performance.

“You alright?” she asked, genuinely concerned.

“Uh, yeah. I just…” Victor’s voice trailed off as a small group of students burst into enthusiastic cheers and applause, presumably for the pianist.

“That was a good performance, wasn’t it?” Mila remarked as both she and Victor turned to see the pianist rise from the piano bench to shyly acknowledge the support shown by his schoolmates.

_He’s impressive. He could’ve studied at a music conservatory. I wonder if I’ll get to hear him play more…_

In a moment of lucky coincidence, the pianist noticed the pair observing him from afar, and gave them a gentle smile as he bowed his head lightly. Victor perked up at having his presence acknowledged by the talented pianist. _That’s really amiable of him…_

 

And it became apparent that Mila was thinking the same.

“He seems nice! Time to make conversation~” Mila flashed a mischievous grin as she began to stride to where the pianist was.

“Wait, what?” Victor hesitantly paced behind her, wondering what Mila was up to this time. He and Mila had a day off today, and she had suggested visiting Yuri at his school. So here they were, but the splendid piano performance had stopped them in their tracks, and…

_Is it really alright to just go up and talk to him?_

“Hey!” Mila put on her friendliest smile as she tapped the pianist on his shoulder. Surprised by the contact, he spun around quickly.

_What… T-They’re insanely good-looking…! Wait, why are they talking to me?!_

“Y-yes! What can I do for you?” Upon realising his stammer, a light blush spread across his cheeks as the young man’s feet shuffled on the ground in anticipation.

Victor stood quietly beside Mila, taking the opportunity to observe the man, a little nervous and excited that he was in close proximity of this talented young pianist that he had just become a fan of. At the same time, he couldn’t help but notice how different the pianist was behaving compared to when he was playing the piece earlier.

_He exuded the air of a charming prince, but the way he’s acting right now… It’s unbelievable that this is the same person._

“I’m sorry for disturbing you. But do you happen to know Yuri Plisetsky? He’s from the middle school section. We’re wondering where he is~” Mila politely asked in a sing-song voice.

Unexpectedly, the pianist’s eyes widened. “Yurio?” He blurted out.

“Yurio…?” Victor and Mila repeated after him, visibly confused.

The pianist’s blush deepened, turning into a far darker shade of red, his jaw hanging open as soon as it registered in his head that he had babbled something he should’ve kept quiet about.

“N-No! Um, please, just ignore what I said,” he waved his hands frantically. “I know him, and I think he’s in the dance studio right now,” the pianist began keep his music scores away, while trying to regain his composure.

Having collected himself, he beamed at Mila, and then at Victor, a soft twinkle in his large brown eyes. “I’ll lead the way, so follow me!”

 

 

 

The muffled sounds from songs being played in the studios and the loud chattering of energetic students filled the hallway Victor and Mila were guided through.

Soon, the pianist came to a stop. “It’s that room,” he gestured towards a particular door, then knocking on it a few times (even though it was more than likely that no one heard it thanks to the blasting music) before swinging it open. Seated in the corner was Yuri Plisetsky in his dance practice attire, fiddling with the cat plush keychain attached to his phone.

Upon noticing him, Mila rushed forward and tackled the blonde into a death-grip hug, causing Yuri to scowl at the sudden physical contact. “What the hell?!”

“Aww, what’s with that reaction? Victor and I travelled all the way here to see you~!” Mila pouted as she continued to smother Yuri, who groaned in embarrassment as the other dancers in the studio began to shoot curious glances their way.

“You should be more appreciative, Yuri… It hurts,” Victor fake-sniffed and wiped an imaginary tear.

“No one asked you two to come here, you old geezer!” the fifteen-year-old snapped, while Mila and Victor continued to tease him while laughing heartily.

The pianist stood silently near them, being considerate of not wanting to interrupt their ‘bonding’ moment. “You guys are so close… That’s nice,” he whispered under a gentle smile at the scene unfolding before his eyes.

 “Oh,” Mila, as if remembering something, loosened her grip on Yuri, who quickly released himself from her grasp and scrambled away as far as he could. She turned towards him, an inquisitive expression plastered on her face. “Yurio...?”

“Wha- Who the fuck told you about that?!” Yuri’s face was instantly coloured tomato red, just as Mila and Victor stared at the pianist, who was slowly backing away towards the entrance to the studio, with a sheepish and apologetic smile.

Noticing their reactions, Yuri seethed with rage and executed a hard kick to the pianist’s gut, preventing the pianist’s escape. “You pig, why the fuck did you tell them about that?!” Yuri dug his sneaker into the other’s forehead, his expression a mix of anger and embarrassment.

“I-It was an accident! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, but…” the pianist winced at the pain. Victor and Mila rushed to the pianist’s aid, but thankfully, Yuri, on witnessing the pathetic sight of the other man writhing, soon released his foot. He let out a defeated sigh and trudged off back to the corner of the studio.

“Are you okay?!” Both Victor and Mila probed, as Mila attempted to tend to the reddened patch on his forehead while Victor supported his shoulders. The pianist rubbed at the throbbing skin on his forehead, and awkwardly nodded in response.

_Oh my god. I’ve made a fool of myself!_

“Um, I’m sorry for causing worry to you two…”

“No, not at all,” Victor shook his head, and smoothed out the mess in the pianist’s hair, while Mila began applying on his forehead some ointment she had fished out from her bag earlier.  “That kid has anger management issues,” Victor shot a disappointed glance at Yuri, who responded with an annoyed ‘tsk’. “We are the ones who should be sorry, not you.” Victor smiled apologetically.

_It’s okay, I’m used to his antics, haha…_

“Um, the truth is,” the pianist began, but quickly reduced his voice to a whisper for fear that Yuri would hear them, “that’s a nickname...”

Mila and Victor exchanged puzzled looks, then looked at the pianist, urging him to continue.

“The dancers in this studio use it sometimes, even though I think he doesn’t like it very much, but ‘Yurio’ is a nickname given to him by my sister. She came by once, and gave it to him, because she found it confusing that both of us are named Yuri, and…”

He watched as Victor and Mila’s eyes widened in surprise.

_Oh… Oh._

“I-I guess I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Yuri Katsuki, and I’m in the dance club too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is katsudonpirozhki (lol), thanks for stopping by. Hope you liked the first chapter, and I appreciate all constructive feedback and comments :-)


	2. whisper music to my weary spirit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is a quote from Henry VIII, a play by John Fletcher and William Shakespeare.

The evening was spent in a small restaurant, with Mila and Victor laughing over dinner about the uncanny coincidence that the person they asked for Yuri’s whereabouts was also named Yuri. Even though one was in the middle school section and the other was in the university section, there were occasions on which they had mass practices with the dance clubs across the school levels, and it was during those times that the nickname often came into use.

Yurio had a leg up on the seat of his chair as he squabbled with Mila about trivial matters; Victor tried to engage Yuri in a conversation while the latter shifted nervously in his seat.

_I only met Victor and Mila today, but they invited me to dinner, and they’re such nice people, and I couldn’t reject them, and the three of them look really good, and I’m here looking really awkward, and I can’t hold a conversation well, and…!_

“Earth to Yuri~” Victor gently poked Yuri’s right cheek, dragging him from the maze of thoughts he had lost himself in.

“Something on your mind?” Victor inquired. Yuri shook his head vigorously in denial, before hanging his head in embarrassment and awkwardness, twiddling with his fingers trying to think of a topic so that the conversation wouldn’t die.

“Well,” Victor beat him to it, “if you’re troubled, you can always talk to me!” He put out the offer with a flirty wink, and helped himself to some beer.

“Y-Yes…” Yuri replied shyly.

“Anyway, you’re amazing at playing the piano! I really liked this morning’s performance.” Victor beamed as he leaned towards Yuri eagerly. “Will you play again?”

A soft blush began to show on Yuri’s face as he mumbled a ‘thank you’, but he couldn’t hide his delight from being praised. “I use the piano in the central plaza sometimes, but I don’t really participate in concerts or recitals, so I don’t know… But I’d love to play for you.” A sincere smile spread across his face.

“That’s great to hear, Yuri~!” Victor’s smile brightened even more, and formed a slight heart-shape.

_I loved your performance, Yuri… I can’t wait to hear you play more. The Yuri that carries a regal air and shows zero doubt in his piano skills… I really want to see it again. I hope you’ll play again, for my sake._

Yuri flopped onto his bed after his bath, exhausted from the activities of the eventful day. However, still feeling ecstatic from Victor’s praise for his performance, Yuri couldn’t help but grin to himself.

_People often show admiration for the skills I’ve honed for the instrument, but… It’s been a while since someone has expressed such great interest._

_I’ll play for anyone who wants to hear. I’ll play for Victor, and Mila too._

_I want to keep playing the piano, but…_

Yuri laid on his side, eyes sweeping over the various trophies and medals arranged in an orderly fashion on his shelves. Like a recurring nightmare, his mind soon became clouded once again by bad memories swirled with negative thoughts.

When Yuri began playing the piano at four, he took the instrument as a challenge and as a tool to strengthen his mind. Determination, perseverance, self-discipline – these were values that could be developed as one committed to a musical instrument. Yuri wasn’t a prodigy, but he had worked extremely hard at playing the piano, devoting all his free time to it.

Later, the piano became his refuge. School was tough, and he wasn’t having the easiest time making friends or working with others on projects. For Yuri, playing the piano was a way of relieving his stress. It helped him cope with loneliness, and it was a way for him to stay true to himself. As he grew older, however, his desire to pursue music soon became impeded.

He saw it. How stressful and competitive it was. Pursuing music was less practical and more idealistic, and you had to be the cream of the crop.

You had to be the best for it to be worthwhile. Anything less, and you would have wasted your time.

Despite feeling at home with the instrument, enough for him to spontaneously play the piano in public, it became increasingly difficult to Yuri to perform well at contests. He wasn’t the best; he wasn’t even good enough… Everyone else was far better, and there was no way he could ever surpass them. Feelings of inadequacy viciously ate away at Yuri’s self-confidence.

 

Pasted on the opposite wall was the application form to the music conservatory that he never submitted. Yuri gave it a final glance before his eyes fluttered shut.

_I wonder what I need so I can keep playing the piano on my own…_

 

 

 

Saturday dawn. Yuri was awakened by the lively chirping of little birds, and he opened his eyes to the soft glow of the morning sun seeping through the curtains. It was peaceful, and Yuri decided that before his daily piano practice, he would take a morning jog to the local skating rink, where Mila and Victor taught, and where Yurio, who was currently pursuing a career as a competitive figure skater, trained under Yakov Feltsman.

Yuri didn’t know how to skate, but he figured there was no harm in making a trip to the rink, to show his appreciation and to reciprocate the gracious behaviour the pair had shown him.

On reaching the entrance, Mila showed him the way in. Lessons hadn’t begun for the day, but on the ice was a tall figure sliding across gracefully, occasionally moving into elegant spins. Awe-struck by the beautiful movements, Yuri let out a small gasp.

The skater lightly pushed himself along, dancing in time with the beat of the melody, in perfect and complete control of his skates. Yuri watched in amazement as he nailed his step sequence and executed a polished choreography with sophistication.

_I’ve never seen anything like this. He’s made the music his own. And the skating…_

_He makes it look effortless._

Without even realising it himself, Yuri began tapping his fingers gently the way he would play the piano, smiling excitedly at how he was completely _feeling_ the song through Victor’s skating – it was as if Victor’s skating was channelling energy, and inspiration, and a whole lot of other feelings into Yuri.

Following a long glide and the gentle tap of the right skate, Victor turned around. Picking with his dominant foot, he launched into a tight jump without an ounce of hesitation. One, two, three rotations. A stable landing on the right back outside edge sealed it.

A flawless triple flip.

The silver-haired man was sure of himself, and his cool expression fuelled a burst of already overflowing charisma. His steps were calculated and careful, yet confident, evidence of his rich figure skating experience.

 

On completing his routine Victor made his way to the rink side, only to be greeted by Yuri’s warm applause.

“Yuri! I’m glad you came,” he beamed at Yuri, before bending down to dust the ice off his skates.

“That was great, Victor.”

“Was it?” Victor chuckled, putting a finger to his own lips, in thought. “If you’ll play for me again, I’ll skate for you when you visit the rink! Deal?”

Yuri’s eyes widened, and he nodded enthusiastically, just as Mila signalled to Victor the arrival of students. Victor caught himself as he almost pouted, disappointed that he couldn’t talk to Yuri more, and gave the younger man a soft pat on the back.

Yuri excused himself to the seats, and watched as Victor and Mila patiently explain and demonstrate to a group of enthusiastic young children.

 _That was surprising_ , Yuri thought as he raised a hand to his chest, registering the thumping of his heart, remnants of the adrenaline rush from earlier, before it dawned upon him.

 

He didn’t skate, he didn’t know how. And neither did he understand the technical aspect of it.

But he could still feel the melody flowing into his veins. He wanted to see Victor skate again.

 

And that was a first for Yuri.

 

 

 

Victor settled back comfortably into his couch, petting Makkachin tenderly as the poodle nuzzled at his clothes.

 _Yuri Katsuki…_ The name rolled off Victor’s tongue.

He was more than captivated by Yuri’s piano performance. It had struck something within him and summoned an urge to embrace again that delicate construct of wood hanging on the wall of his living room. When he saw Yuri’s performance, he recognised the fervour in the young pianist. Just a few years ago Victor was the same – he was, or had been, well acquainted with the passion for a musical instrument. The level of ardour and zeal Yuri demonstrated through his performance… Victor was no stranger to it.

Victor gazed longingly at the neck, at the fingerboard, trying to recall how the strings had felt against the pads of his fingers, how the instrument had fitted snugly against his chin. The familiar grip of the bow, the way he pulled it back and forth… He missed it.

 _But this is enough_ , Victor convinced himself.

This was fine. Simply reminiscing about the good old days he spent to violin practice was fine. He didn’t have to go back to the instrument. He couldn’t go back to it.

Not after _that_.

Not after his confidence had completely shattered. Not after he was betrayed by the blood, sweat and tears he sacrificed. Not after he had let down all the people who had believed in him.

All this time Victor had been at a loss. He had been told repeatedly that he didn’t have to and he shouldn’t have to give up. But how could he return? How could he face everyone again…? The disappointment was etched way too deeply in his mind, he wasn’t capable of mustering the courage to start rebuilding his strengths.

 

That intense flame that burned within him had been put out for so long.

If he wanted to relight it, if he tried rekindling it… Would it burn again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been busy since the semester started. Sigh.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and feel free to leave comments! Thank you so much x


	3. andante

It had been some time since Victor first saw Yuri play, but he finally had a free day, and he was convinced there was no better way to spend it than to head to the school and have Yuri play for him again.

A little conscious that someone was watching him so closely, a bright-faced Yuri started off shaky, missing notes and hitting keys with the lack of accuracy. Yuri gulped as he tried his best to maintain his composure and ignore the fact that he was being scrutinised.

Without breaking the silence between them Victor watched as Yuri’s determination pulled through, allowing him to return to his near-perfect, if not flawless, condition. The musical notes began to flow smoothly once again, and Victor relished the way Yuri’s eyes brightened, and how the corners of his lips curled up in satisfaction, an indication that he was pleased he’d regained his momentum.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Victor that Yuri’s skills seemed to be even more polished than from the first meeting. Interestingly, from the subtle movements of his body, it was evident that he was delivering a performance more emotionally charged than before. Yuri had the artistic flair and likely hidden potential that had yet to be unleashed – Victor was sure.

 

Victor began to sway along to the piece, entranced by the music Yuri was creating. Yet, as he basked in the melodious tunes of the piano he couldn’t help but realise he was paying a little too much attention to Yuri himself.

The older man’s eyes fell on Yuri’s jet black hair, admiring the contrast between that and his fair porcelain skin. They then trailed along Yuri’s visage, tracing his various features – his dense lashes, eyes that now looked hazel in the morning light, his puffy cheeks, and his slightly chapped lips –

“Victor,” Yuri spun around on the bench, fidgeting ever so slightly, “Um, would you like me to continue playing? Or maybe we could have lunch?”

“Ah,” Victor took a glance at his watch. Half past noon. “Lunch then?”

Yuri mouthed an ‘okay’ before packing up his belongings, and headed off towards the cafeteria with the taller man trailing behind him.

 _What was I doing, eyeing Yuri like that…?_ Victor berated himself silently, reminding himself that he had to stop falling into a trance every time he saw Yuri play.

It was puzzling for Victor, who believed that he had only been attracted to Yuri because of his piano-playing skills, but unbeknownst to him, inside him there was undeniably budding interest in the man himself.

 

There was more to Yuri, and Victor found himself inexplicably drawn to the pianist.

 

 

 

 

Yuri had been coming to the rink increasingly often after the first visit, Victor noticed, especially during the weekends when Yuri had time to spare.

“Yuri,” Victor called out after taking a water break, “do you want to learn how to skate?”

Surprised by the sudden offer, Yuri awkwardly fumbled with his words.

“D-Do you think I can? I don’t think I can pull it off…”

“Yuri, you’re in the dance club,” Victor placed a gentle hand on Yuri’s shoulder, “And you look beautiful when you play the piano. Why don’t you have a little more confidence in yourself?” He gave an encouraging smile.

_I’m pathetic._

Victor could say the right things when he wanted to. Except, he didn’t always practise what he preached. He didn’t even dare to touch the violin again after his _own_ confidence was destroyed. If anything, he knew he was far more cowardly than anyone. But he couldn’t admit it to himself, and he couldn’t admit it to Yuri.

Worse, he couldn’t admit that he was no longer sure what he was expecting from the younger man.

Victor was positive that Yuri caught his eye because of how the pianist carried himself with such dignity as his deft fingers flitted over the piano keys. But one way or another, that attraction had _changed_. Or perhaps Victor only realised then that from the beginning, it wasn’t as _straightforward_ as he’d thought it to be. It was no longer as simple as being drawn to the pianist’s talent, and Victor was finding it harder and harder to convince himself that he didn’t actually _like_ Yuri, even if it was just a little. Especially when he found himself catching glimpses of the pianist every now and then.

Was he offering to teach Yuri out of goodwill? Or was he subconsciously hoping to see Yuri more often…? Victor couldn’t tell.

 

 _I’m terrible_ , Victor mentally sighed as he once again became absorbed in studying Yuri’s facial features while the pianist twiddled his fingers while eyeing the surface of the rink.

 

The bespectacled young man considered Victor’s offer for a moment, before accepting it with a subtle nod and a small smile.

 

 

 

“He’s beautiful,” Victor sighed, as Yurio spat out the mouthful of milk he’d just taken.

“What… the fuck?” The blonde stared at Victor in disbelief.

Mila leaned across the table excitedly. “He is! Especially when he was playing the piano~! We’re talking about Yuri Katsuki, right?”

“Yeah,” Victor responded dreamily, and took another sip of his drink.

“Stop that. You’re being gross,” Yurio clicked his tongue in disgust.

“You’re so lucky, Victor,” Mila lamented, jealousy seeping through her words.

“You have his attention,” she reached across and grabbed Victor by his outer coat, “Share him with me!” Mila shook him back and forth as if he were a ragdoll, in frustration and envy. Meanwhile, Yurio already had his earphones plugged in to block out what he perceived to be a very _meaningless_ conversation that he could care less about.

“Well, you can’t come to the school as often. You have your studies to tend to as well; you’re only working at the rink part-time after all,” Victor responded.

“I know, but…!” Mila sighed in defeat, “Anyway, his attention is really all on you, though. I going to watch him more often isn’t going to change that.”

“Is that so?” Victor chuckled, a little pleased on hearing Mila’s remark.

“Um, duh?! It _is_ so,” Mila pursed her lips, “He’s not even half as enthusiastic when I skate, as compared to when you do! And don’t get me started on how often he frequents the rink, just to watch _you_.”

Victor let out a hearty laugh at Mila’s display of envy.

“That’s because I’m giving him skating lessons,” the silver-hair man attempted to console her, albeit slightly half-heartedly.

“But he was already visiting really often even before you started the lessons!” Mila pointed out exasperatedly.

“Okay, okay,” Victor laughed, putting both his hands up in the air, signalling for Mila to calm down, who simply pouted as she propped up an arm to rest her chin.

 

Victor found Yuri beautiful, and he probably already liked the pianist more than he would admit. Mila’s comments got Victor a little riled up and excited, but he concluded reasonably that there was simply _no_ merit in making assumptions and getting his hopes up.

But that wasn’t to say Victor hadn’t considered it in the least. What if Yuri did, even if a little, reciprocate what Victor felt? Go for it?

 _No_ , Victor’s thoughts flashed to the violin.

Yuri was lovely, charming, talented...

Victor was always unable to move on from the past, always hiding. He was pathetic, and a coward.

 

In many ways, Victor felt he couldn’t match up to Yuri at all. Yuri was far too _good_ for Victor.

_We would make a terrible pair._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know I’m not exactly good at this, but since I can’t really draw (I wish I could!!!), I figured this was the most viable way to make a contribution as a fan. Unfortunately, I haven’t touched a book, much less a romance novel since… I can’t remember. I’m sorry.


	4. delusions & dreams

After hogging the central plaza’s piano for a good half hour, Victor and Yuri decided to head out for lunch together. Yuri had suggested a local Japanese restaurant nearby, hoping to recommend his favourite food to Victor in hopes that the older man would give it a try.

“Um, thank you for always skating for me whenever I go to the rink. And for teaching me. Even though it takes up a lot of your time,” Yuri spoke quietly, after the waitress had taken their orders. But he wasn’t shuffling in his seat. Yuri was fidgeting less around him, Victor noticed.

“No problem at all,” Victor smiled, holding eye contact with Yuri until the pianist broke it with a soft blush creeping up his cheeks.

“The truth is, it has helped me with the piano,” Yuri uttered. The pianist was twiddling his fingers again, which reflected his growing nerves.

“What has?”

“Y-your skating.”

By this point in time, Victor’s mind had been wiped out blank. His figure skating? Helped Yuri? A person like _him_? Helping Yuri with the piano? It made no sense; it shouldn’t.

No words would come out; Victor didn’t even where to start.

 

Silence befell the pair, but Victor was quick to react, and let out a soft chuckle.

“You play the piano so well, Yuri. You don’t need help,” he assumed a matter-of-fact tone.

“That’s not true…” Yuri said quietly.

“It _is_ true. Your performance touched my heart, Yuri. I was blown away. You’re giving me credit I don’t deserve.”

“But you do,” Yuri mumbled, voice a little strained.

“That can’t be it, Yuri. I did nothing, and you didn’t need any help,” Victor asserted.

“Stop it. You’re speaking as if you knew better, Victor,” Yuri cried out.

“That’s not it, Yuri. I’m just saying that I didn’t do anything that you could possibly have gained from, so you should stop assigning that cred-”

“You’re wrong!” Yuri bit his lip, tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to fall. “You’re wrong.”

 

The pair were blanketed once again in silence, as the waitress served up two sets of pork cutlet bowls. Victor thanked her, and Yuri managed to choke out a small ‘thank you’ just as she excused herself.

“Yuri,” Victor began hesitantly; he was treading on thin ice. “I didn’t mean to say anything to hurt you.”

_Please don’t cry._

 

Fortunately for Victor, the pianist dabbed his eyes gently before the tears could fall.

“I’ve had a problem with the piano this entire time,” Yuri looked at Victor in the eye, voice a little hoarse, “Technique-wise, I am fine. I know that at the very least. But I don’t do well in competitions. I get all jittery when I know I’m going to be judged for my performance, and compared to others. Worst case scenario, I get a mental breakdown.” He admitted.

Victor didn’t say a word. He lowered his head, breaking the eye contact with Yuri. Victor stared into the space before him, struggling to make the connection between the magnificent performances he’d witnessed from Yuri and the weakness he was just learning about the pianist.

“Even I don’t understand it very well myself, but… When I first saw you skate, I didn’t want to stay depressed any longer. I just… Felt this surge of energy. I felt like I could still try harder at the piano. And I have been trying harder! Every day, I’m trying to work on my nerves and trying to think less about the competition and stress so…” Yuri’s voice trailed off when he didn’t want to beat about the bush any further.

“I don’t know how else to put it, but… You _inspired_ me, Victor. Thank you.”

Surprised at Yuri’s revelation, Victor raised his head, only to find Yuri smiling gratefully at him.

 _I inspired Yuri? I inspired Yuri_ , Victor let that fact sink into his mind, although he could barely comprehend what the pianist had told him. He didn’t understand how, and he didn’t understand _why_.

 

“Anyway,” Yuri switched the topic, hoping to brighten up the atmosphere after the solemn conversation, “This is the pork cutlet bowl I was talking about! I really want to thank you, so let me treat? I’m not apologising for tearing up earlier, though. You were being mean as well.”

Finding Yuri’s joyful smile hard to resist, Victor couldn’t protest, and simply nodded with a gentle smile in return.

 

 

 

The two of them walked side-by-side silently on the street after the meal, with Victor still trying to wrap his mind around what Yuri had talked about earlier.

Yuri said he had issues with the piano, despite all the amazing performances he had put up. Victor was barely convinced, but he realised that he might have been ignorant about Yuri’s own weaknesses and insecurity all these time. It’s not like he had known Yuri for a long time, and he definitely didn’t know him _that_ well yet.

 

Mila’s words only seemed to ring true at that point. Yuri liked Victor’s skating, and Yuri was paying attention to Victor, for sure, even if only a little.

What Victor truly couldn’t comprehend was how his skating even helped Yuri. He wanted to ask… But Yuri did mention that he wasn’t able to describe it clearly either.

It was only after a while that Victor realised Yuri was no longer beside him, and after he turned around he spotted the younger man peering into a store retailing musical instruments.

“Why don’t we go in?” Victor suggested, and Yuri nodded enthusiastically.

 

Yuri could barely contain his excitement as he admired the various grand pianos on display, making soft gasps at his reflection in the sleek black colour of the pianos and peeking at the multitude of golden strings within the open case. Victor chuckled as he gazed at Yuri longingly, realising how much he loved the way the latter’s eyes shone with that almost child-like eagerness.

Victor was sure that he liked Yuri, but there was no need to push this any further. He enjoyed spending time leisurely with the pianist, and just being able to hang out together was more than enough for him. Not to mention, Victor was still sorting his life out – it would be cruel dragging Yuri down with him to drown in Victor’s issues.

 

As Yuri continued to marvel at the grand pianos, Victor, who had stood by the entrance for some time now, began to wander around the different displays. As much as he wished to avoid _that_ section, Victor silently cursed under his breath while his legs guided him to the collection of string instruments, as if that were the most _natural_ spot for Victor to be in.

His eyes flickered back and forth between the various models of the violin, and moved his hand up to a particular one, giving it an experimental touch.

 

Victor was trapped in the past. No one had locked him up there; Victor had shackled himself. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget the nightmare that wouldn’t stop haunting him. His mind was weak, and he couldn’t stop his self-depreciating thoughts from running wild at times – about how he wasn’t fit for the violin, how he wasn’t fit to be a musician, how everyone must secretly think he’s a disappointment… He didn’t know how to give himself a second chance; he didn’t think he deserved it.

Unlike him, Yuri understood and accepted his insecurity, and sought to make up for it. He got over his issues and stopped beating himself up over them. Yuri had taken up a tremendously difficult challenge and was working hard to defeat his biggest enemy – himself.

This talented pianist four years younger than Victor was far more mature than he was.

Victor’s fingers brushed across the neck lightly, and he caressed the strings, a wistful smile plastered on his face.

His mind flashed to the very first time he saw Yuri play and he recalled the strange burning sensation he had felt within him that day. The ardour Yuri had exemplified had resonated throughout Victor.

 _A surge of energy_ , like the pianist had said.

On the night of that day Victor had wanted to reach out for the violin again. Yuri had riled him up with the piano, and because of that Victor had been desperate to reconnect with the instrument he’d abandoned.

It was thanks to Yuri.

Because of Yuri, Victor had repeatedly felt the need to rediscover his passion for the violin. Every time after Victor watched Yuri at the piano, he would experience the same impulse. He would yearn to create music from the violin once again. That was the profound effect the younger man had on him.

 _You inspired me…_ Victor remembered Yuri’s words.

“Victor!” The pianist called out, snapping Victor out of his thoughts.

As Victor spun around and watched Yuri jog up to him with the most dazzling smile, all the puzzle pieces fell into place.

 

Victor didn’t know how he inspired Yuri, but he knew for sure, that Yuri _inspired_ him. When Victor saw Yuri, he felt like he was capable of doing it. As long as Yuri was there beside him, Victor wanted to believe that he could gather the strength to conquer all his fears.

 

He didn’t know how successful he would be, but he wanted to pick the violin up once more.

_I want to play again. This time, for your sake, Yuri._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about this, but future updates may come at an even slower pace than before, since I've been really busy at school lately. Appreciate everyone's understanding! And of course, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> Oh, and Happy Chinese New Year to everyone!


	5. poison/antidote

“Oh, right. I never asked you this, but do you play any musical instruments, Victor?” Yuri quipped as they exited the music store.

Victor froze, mind suddenly thrown into a complete mess. Yuri, for God’s sake, was somehow really _sharp_ at times. Victor had just come to the realisation that he wanted to play for Yuri again, and he wanted so badly to tell him _everything_. But what if after repeated tries Victor fails to regain confidence and pick up the skills once again?

He’d just make a fool of himself before Yuri.

Victor greatly feared this possibility. There wasn’t a 100% chance of success, and he wasn’t about to disappoint Yuri with the lack of skills.

He’d tell Yuri once he was ready, when his skills are fully restored, Victor swore to himself. But, for now –

“No, I don’t,” Victor had replied a little curtly. _I’m sorry, Yuri._

“Oh. How about picking one up then?” Yuri suggested enthusiastically.

“Well, you playing the piano is good enough for me. I don’t see the need to pick an instrument up,” the older man smiled gently at Yuri, who bit his lip, slightly crestfallen.

Yuri wasn’t sure, since it had been for a split second, but he thought that he caught a pained expression on Victor’s face.

 

 

 

It had been a long day, and Victor was certainly more than ready to hit the shower and make himself comfortable in his large bed. But as soon as his thoughts flashed to Yuri, he couldn’t help but extend an outstretched arm towards the long forsaken violin displayed on the wall.

Guilt pierced through him as he recalled what had happened earlier, and Victor laughed bitterly at himself. He simply couldn’t bring himself to tell Yuri, and even then, he was trying to reason with himself – “I’ll tell Yuri when I’m ready”, “It’s a white lie”, “I can surprise him later when I’ve returned to being able to play”…

He was a coward through and through.

After lightly brushing some dust specks off the smooth surface of the body of the instrument, he curled his slender fingers around the neck, relishing in how the touch of the strings felt strangely _comfortable_.

“I guess we’re getting back together, huh,” Victor mused as he lifted the musical instrument to his chin.

The silver-haired man pressed the pads of his fingers onto the strings, trying his hardest to register the sensation that was both foreign yet familiar at the same time.

It had certainly been quite a while since he’d adopted this position – a relaxed yet sturdy left wrist supporting the weight of the violin, and the slight splaying of the fingers of his right hand across the bottom of the bow. With some hesitation Victor began to move the bow against the strings, creating the melody of one of the older pieces he’d used to play, letting his fingers and hand be guided by memory.

 

For a suave ice skater like Victor, it would have been unthinkable that he was capable of feeling nervous to the point of becoming overwhelmed. That didn’t always happen, but it did, once. And it just had to happen on that damn day. Simply put, Victor had been in a bad condition and his pre-performance nerves had consumed him ruthlessly.

All the hard work he had put into preparing for that day was destroyed instantly, by his own hands. He’d been left completely devastated, ashamed and completely defeated. He knew, on that very day, that he was destined to relinquish all the rights he had to playing the instrument. He was definitely leaving music, for good.

Yet, he was now practising alone in his living room, hoping that in due time his performance could reach the bare minimum standard. He had someone he wanted to play for, and he wanted so badly to be able to do it. But to play the violin again in front of another person, even if that person was Yuri… The thought scared Victor, and sent sparks of panic through his body that seeped to his fingertips.

Victor furrowed his brows, determined fingers still working relentlessly on the strings as his right arm moved in time to synchronise. He silently wished for the endless self-depreciating thoughts to be willed away, but his mind chose to play a cruel trick on him, and instead flashed to images deeply etched within – images of the audience’s faces, their expressions… Their reactions to the performance he had fucked up so badly. He would never forget their displays of emotions he’d witnessed so clearly with the glaring lights from the stage.

It was a piece of bad, painful history that stuck out like a sore thumb. If Victor could, he would erase that memory from the world, without an ounce of hesitation.

 

Realising there was no stopping his mind from going wild and uncontrollable from the flood of negative thoughts, Victor decided to call it a day. He had finally managed to take the first step after so long. He couldn’t let himself fall prey to the malicious mind games his head was playing with himself. He sighed, and took heart in the fact that in spite of everything, he was gradually getting used to the instrument once again. He was sure he would regain all his skills in no time – they were ingrained in him after all. He just needed to work really hard, and soon he would be able to play well again. He would. He had to believe that. He had to believe in himself.

 

That night, Victor dreamt about the old days. The days that were better. The days he had loved his violin so, and would find so much joy in creating music with the instrument he had held so dear.

Then he dreamt of Yuri – his soft skin, his long and gentle fingers, his bright and twinkling eyes. He dreamt of Yuri’s majestic performance and the way his fingertips trailed the smooth keys of the piano.

He dreamt of himself, violin positioned just beneath his chin, next to Yuri at the piano.

He held his bow steady, and took a deep breath.

 

 

 

“That was great, Yuri,” Victor clapped excitedly. “Perfect!”

Yuri clicked his tongue in slight annoyance at Victor’s exaggerated compliments, eliciting a light-hearted chuckle from the other man.

“You know I’m far from that.”

Skating lessons were going well for Yuri. Victor was more impressed, and less surprised. With Yuri’s dance background, it was only within expectations that once Yuri had become accustomed to balancing and moving around in the skates, the rest would almost certainly be a breeze. As expected, what surrounded Yuri was a graceful air while he moved across the ice in a delicate but firm fashion. Victor was pleasantly surprised by the younger man’s innate talent (really, he was starting to seriously question what Yuri _wasn’t_ good at) and of course, his zeal and perseverance. For someone who had only recently took up ice skating and wasn’t keen on pursuing it seriously, Yuri was putting in a lot of effort, and was picking up the skills extremely quickly.

But as a beginner, Yuri wasn’t only technically strong.

His demeanour on the ice was the biggest surprise of all, and absolutely fascinating. The way he presented the routines he’d practised to perfection proved _exactly_ how versatile Yuri was – he could pull off a routine that demonstrated pure, innocent emotions, but the next moment, he would be able to completely immerse himself in the role of a playboy, the ice his stage for his seduction plan, you’d never tell that the usual Yuri was awkward and shy. He executed the choreography exactly the way it was, in the most sensuous and provocative manner he could possibly assume, and when Victor watched him, there was nothing else Victor could think of except that Yuri’s captivating movements were so _goddamn_ inviting.

Great. Victor had offered to teach Yuri to skate, and in return he had acquired a talented and committed student, but at same time he’d obtained new knowledge that clearly, Yuri’s charm wasn’t only limited to his musical artistry. Yuri was lovely during his piano performances, and alluring on the ice. And it was _killing_ Victor on the inside.

 

 

 

“Hmm… I’ve been doing ballet since I was… Five?” Yuri recalled as he munched on his burger.

“I attempted other types of dances too, but,” he paused, shy blush creeping onto his face, “I’m not exactly good at them. Ballet’s definitely my forte among the ones I’ve tried… Though I’m not exactly great at ballet either…” His voice trailed off into soft mumbling.

Victor laughed. “Don’t worry, you’re definitely better in ballet than I am. That’s for sure.”

Yuri looked at Victor incredulously.

“Yeah, right. I’m the better dancer – one who’s always tripping over his own feet,” he snickered in response to Victor’s flattering.

“You’re better than me, Yuri. In dancing, and I’m sure, in many other ways.” Victor let slip a silent confession of his own hidden weakness, watching as Yuri pondered for a moment.

“I’m clumsy. And I’m scared of bugs.” He stated in the most matter-of-fact tone ever.

“That’s so random. Why’s the conversation heading that way?” Victor laughed heartily before taking a sip of his drink.

“No one said we were only talking about dance,” Yuri retorted with a playful pout.

“You’re fine the way you are, Yuri.”

The young pianist glanced up at Victor hesitantly, who only had a charming, reassuring smile to offer. And immediately, Yuri returned to nibbling on his food, averting his eyes while the red on his cheeks and ears did nothing but betray Yuri’s attempt to hide his embarrassment.

Victor chuckled at the sight, wondering how exactly Yuri could be so cute, despite how bewitching he was on the ice. He had thought Yuri to be perfect on their first meeting, but even after having gotten to know more about the pianist and acknowledging his imperfections, Victor could not help but still take a liking towards the other man, complete with his faults, some of which he actually found endearing.

It was true that there was so much more to Yuri that Victor had believed since he first saw the pianist. Yuri usually seemed so unconfident, so unsure of himself, but his steadfast love for the piano drove him to strive to always put up the best performances he could. There was no stopping him when he set aside his fears and summoned all the power and courage he could to imagine himself the most beautiful pianist on the stage. And during those times, he really did shine most beautifully.

Of course, he now knew too that Yuri was amazing at skating as well –Yuri was seriously a genius who never failed to surprise Victor. And still Victor wished to see more, to be able to continue to bear witness to more of Yuri’s surprises. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything about Yuri.

 

As Victor watched Yuri with a defeated smile, he let an otherwise glaring truth that had dawned upon him sink deep into his consciousness.

Victor didn’t just _like_ Yuri.

He really had fallen hard for him.

To Victor, Yuri’s existence was starting to feel like an addiction, like a drug that was poison.

 

There was only one good antidote, and that was Yuri himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	6. blush of dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have been half-asleep (oops) while typing this so please let me know if there are any errors!

Sometimes Yuri would recall the first time he had met Victor.

It had just been like any other school day – except that day, Yuri had headed straight for the piano in the central plaza, which, fortunately, had not been occupied. He had spent the past week learning new pieces, and in his endeavour to gradually ease into public performance once again, Yuri had forced himself to begin using the school’s piano as often as possible. (Though, he was thoroughly convinced that even if he could play in a relatively ‘public’ area of the school, he would fail to succeed at returning to recitals and competitions.)

He had been completely engrossed in his practice till the last second that he nearly failed to notice the pair who had been staring at him from afar. Yuri had acknowledged them politely, but he certainly had not expected the two to make their way to him so casually. As stupid as it may sound, Yuri thought he might have had been knocked out from the brilliance of their almost-annoying good looks. The way he had stammered was proof enough.

 

 

 

When the two had tended to him post-Yurio-violence, Yuri had noticed their gentleness and genuine concern, despite the fact that he had been just a stranger mere minutes ago. He could still remember Mila treating him with careful fingers, and the feathery light touches on his skin as Victor had smoothed out his hair that day. For Yuri, who for his whole life was terrible at socialising and making friends, the care they had showered on him was almost too tender, too bittersweet. The tremendous effect it had on him made him had accentuated his pathetic state of being socially awkward; it made him close to recalling those embarrassing failed attempts at friendship. But he had relished being in the present, grateful yet feeling undeserving of being the recipient of such tender affection.

 

It had become clear through the dinner invitation that Victor and Mila were not only pleased to make his acquaintance, but were unexpectedly _keen_ on keeping in contact. And Victor – he had leaned close and requested politely for Yuri to play the piano for him once again. Of course, like any other pianist would, Yuri had been exceptionally pleased at the praise and compliments – his pride for his artistry blooming in his chest. In that instant he had wanted to try to his best so that he would not disappoint Victor. It made Yuri feel better that at least someone was interested in watching him perform. Maybe it didn’t matter that he was too weak and afraid to return to stage performances that would haul in a large audience that consisted of critics. He might have wanted to, very badly, but perhaps the stage just wasn’t the right place for him. Maybe he simply wasn’t suited to be there.

 

 

 

Sometimes Yuri laughs to himself when he remembers how his weak-willed mind-set, which had stuck with him for so long, had completely turned on its head in less than a day. His trashy, stubborn belief that he would never successfully play on a stage again had replaced itself with a renewed passion for the piano accompanied by determination washing over him.

That day was the first time Yuri had watched Victor skate.

Ever since then, Yuri had been desperate to seek out the same vigour over and over again.

It was strange, but for Yuri, getting to see Victor skate put him at ease. More importantly, he felt he wanted to _internalise_ the refined movements of Victor’s routine and develop the same sense of grace in his performances. He wanted to watch Victor as much as he could. He needed to. The electrifying display of zeal in Victor’s routines always gripped Yuri; his eyes would trace the skater’s elegant yet deft movements, all the way to his fingertips. To completely lose yourself in your performance to become the most beautiful skater on the ice, to steel yourself against negativity with a shield made of confidence and self-assurance – that was something Yuri truly came to endeavour to achieve in his artistry of the piano.

Yuri had gradually become more interested in improving the expressiveness and elegance in his performances, and for a start, he decided that he would pay less attention to everything else and anything else that simply _didn’t matter_.

 

 

 

Outside of the time spent at the piano and at the rink, Yuri had been spending quite an amount of time with Victor, dining after practices or just strolling nearby for breaks. In those duration they usually talked about anything they could, to make up for the lack of proper communication during piano and skating practices. Yuri was rather pleased that from these opportunities he had been able to find out more about the skater who inspired him so; Victor had also been exceptionally kind and accommodating to Yuri, making it easier for the pianist to speak more freely and open up about himself as well.

 

 

 

Lately, Yuri hadn’t been quite himself around Victor – whenever he was with the skater, Yuri’s heart would race and the sounds of the palpitations would almost drown out the noise of his surroundings. It would reach the point where he could not focus on the conversation, preoccupied with wondering what _exactly_ was happening. And it was becoming harder and harder to look Victor in the eye. Yuri sometimes caught himself staring into the other man’s cerulean eyes, admiring his long eyelashes, and on other occasions he would watch the way Victor’s silver hair glistened in the sunlight, or fight a growing urge to caress his cheek whenever he made _that_ heart-shaped mouth. And when Victor touched him – it could be something as simple as a tap on the shoulder – Yuri’s skin burned. It would become hot, and the contact of Victor’s skin on his would produce a lingering warmth while Yuri would silently beckon another touch. As embarrassing as it was, Yuri knew that his admiration for the other man had somehow, along the way, morphed into some kind of longing that wasn’t exactly clear-cut enough for Yuri himself to understand.

Even worse, the strange feeling was starting to make his chest ache, and Yuri didn’t know why.

 

“Enough. You don’t have to say anymore,” Yurio growled as he slammed his locker door shut.

“O-okay,” Yuri mumbled, twiddling his fingers, “U-um, so I was wondering if you would happen to understand why this is happening…” God, he still couldn’t handle that Yurio was easily provoked; every time they talked Yuri felt like he was treading on ridiculously thin ice.

Overwhelmed by his emotions, Yuri had plucked up courage to ask Yurio for advice. It was only starting to occur to Yuri that Yurio, being eight years younger than he was, might not have any idea about this ‘strange emotion’ at all. And a very embarrassed Yuri was just beginning to _seriously_ regret telling Yurio _everything_.

“You asked for me to help, but I wasn’t expecting _this_ ,” Yurio hissed in annoyance.

He wasn’t expecting… This? Ah, right. Perhaps Yurio didn’t understand either. Of course, that must be it. If Yuri, a twenty-three year old, couldn’t comprehend his own feelings, it must be too demanding of him to expect Yurio to know. Yuri stared at his shoes, face heating up, and decided that he probably should leave the matter as it was, and leave Yurio alone _soon_ , before the younger boy exploded.

“I-It’s alright if you don’t have an answer! I’m sorry for asking you about it!” Yuri sputtered as he stepped backwards, ready to turn on his heels and run once the conversation was done.

“You’re stupid.”

“Y-Yes...” Yuri conceded, for fear of incurring the boy’s wrath.

“All that bullshit you told me, they only point towards one very obvious fact which is that you. Like. Victor.”

Yuri’s head snapped up as he stared at Yurio incredulously, mouth agape, while the blonde rolled his eyes.

“What?” he squeaked, face turning a bright shade of red as Yurio’s ‘revelation’ echoed in his head.

“You’re hopeless. Go think about it yourself,” Yurio complained as he walked away hands in the pockets of his jacket, leaving Yuri in the hallway to deal with his thoughts on his own.

 

 

 

When Victor had so graciously offered to teach Yuri to skate, the pianist had been taken by surprise. Never once did it occur to him that Victor would consider personally guiding him. It had made Yuri extremely overjoyed on the inside, and he had resisted so hard from smiling like a stupid fool then. It was a good thing all those practices paid off. The last thing Yuri wanted was to disappoint Victor, but he was glad he didn’t. Yuri had worried so much about not being able to skate properly – Victor might have given up on him, and the pair would have ended up in an awkward limbo.

Nowadays Yuri was just glad that besides watching him perform on the piano, Victor was also keen on witnessing Yuri’s improvements on the ice. Yuri wanted to be worthy of Victor’s time, and in order to do that, he had to be in top condition. And having Victor around was helping _tremendously_. It was an odd situation, really, but Yuri needed Victor around to fuel his inspiration, to prove his worth, all for the sake of… Keeping Victor around.

Yuri sat on his bed, knees pulled up to his chest, as he once again contemplated the weight of Yurio’s words. It was late; the ticking of the clock reverberated in the otherwise silent bedroom, which was only dimly lit by the moonlight streaming in. His thoughts were running in all sorts of directions, and the pianist was honestly feeling exhaustion from what he knew was clearly overthinking – he’d been debating if what he felt was anything substantial, and if it was, what he was to do from now on, if he should go all out even though he’s incredibly inexperienced, or if he should give up now simply because the other party is Victor.

In an attempt to distract himself for a little while Yuri tried to think of gifts he could get for the skater. He’d wanted to thank Victor for some time now, for getting his skating skill up to a rather considerable level, and well, for just being around. Yuri had contemplated various kinds of gifts that Victor might like, but one thing he’d discovered recently was that the older man was unexpectedly well-off. He might not appreciate or even need any of those things Yuri was considering buying for him.

Luckily, there was another option left – something that wasn’t going to cost much money, but was going to need quite a bit of effort: an original composition.

Would Victor like it if Yuri composed a new piece for him to skate a routine to? It was definitely one of the better options – Yuri could rely on his own abilities and a composition would be a lot more personal than other gifts. It wouldn’t be too pushy right? Would Victor feel uncomfortable that he was obliged to create a routine to Yuri’s piece? Would he be alright with it? Would Victor… be happy? If anything, Yuri wanted Victor to be satisfied with the gift. It had to communicate Yuri’s gratitude but more importantly, Victor should be pleased with it. After some deliberation Yuri decided that an original composition would do the trick, in place of any other gift options he had at the moment, and hoped Victor would like it. The pianist worried over the outcome and tried to picture the skater’s reaction in his head but he giggled slightly when the image of Victor with his heart-shaped mouth came to mind.

 

Yuri realised he was silently willing for the days to pass quickly so that he could see Victor again. Building up within him was eagerness, anticipation, excitement… His heart was pounding so loudly he swore the rhythm might have been louder than the clock.

 

Yuri sighed in defeat and fell back onto his pillows, gripping one of his plush toys tightly.

 _Yurio was probably right… I like Victor. A lot._ The breeze that came through the window did nothing to cool down Yuri’s face, which was burning under the deep blush forming over his cheeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update was a little late, my apologies. I'm afraid updates will get more irregular from now on, since I'm facing quite a number of deadlines for my projects and assignments. But I'll keep working on this during my free time, so please look forward to it! And of course, I'll really appreciate comments/feedback. Thank you so much.


	7. distance

Like the brilliant pianist he was, Yuri was improving every time Victor watched him. The differences were barely observable to a regular person, but to Victor, who had a sharp sense for music, and had once been acquainted with more than a few talented pianists himself, the minute improvements were significant. They could come in the form of Yuri becoming even more confident of his artistry, or exhibiting more emotions in his style of performance, or even the slightly increase in the agility of his fingers. Very soon, Yuri’s artistic skills would begin to plateau like any other expert, and he would become fixated with perfection, but for now, Yuri was just excellent for being able to continuously outdo himself. After all, as a musician, Yuri’s greatest obstacle was himself (just as Victor was his own).

Victor smiled as he watched Yuri’s brows furrowing in concentration and his tongue darting out every once in a while, realising just how long he had been keeping up as an audience member exclusively for Yuri. In the initial stages of watching the pianist he had wanted to experience the same gush of inspiration in a wishful attempt to return to the violin, but now that he had conquered the first step and was working on clearing the milestone, Yuri’s private piano performances just kept Victor delighted and satisfied that he was the sole person with this exclusive entitlement (although Yuri would argue that such a thing wasn’t a ‘entitlement’). And Victor sure as hell was not going to give up this privilege any time soon. Unless Yuri stripped him of it, which Victor fervently prayed would not happen.

As Yuri’s deft fingers struck the final chords in a perfect finish, Victor rose from his chair excitedly and offered his most enthusiastic applause to a flushed Yuri who simply turned around with an embarrassed smile before taking a gulp of water. Just then, an idea popped into Yuri’s head. Surprised at himself, his lips formed a small ‘o’ and a soft pink rose to his cheeks as he pondered over whether to pitch it to Victor, who had been watching him quite intently for some time now.

“Victor, would you like me to teach you to play the piano? I mean, just for today,” Yuri rushed through his words they almost became garbled, and quickly stared at the ground while twiddling his fingers, a little nervous about hearing Victor’s answer.

Victor’s eyes widened at Yuri’s suggestion. Despite having watched Yuri’s fingers dance away on the monochrome keys of the piano, Victor himself had never considered trying out the instrument, not even for fun. Seeing that he’d been so keen on Yuri’s performances all this while, the pianist might have concluded that Victor was actually interested in learning to play the piano. Of course, it’d be nice to pick up a little out of interest, but truth be told, he already had a lot on his plate – having to deal with the violin was already high enough a hurdle to cross. But that was kept secret from Yuri.

“I don’t know if I can handle it, Yuri,” Victor began apprehensively, noticing that the pianist was now biting on his lower lip, and his face was radiating heat from what Victor guessed was probably embarrassment, even though Victor hadn’t completely declined his offer yet.

“Okay…” Yuri mumbled, turning away from Victor to face the piano keys again.

Perturbed by Yuri’s visible disappointment, Victor decided there was no helping it – he couldn’t possibly leave Yuri in this kind of state. He could forget the goddamn violin for a while and just focus on making Yuri happy.

“But if it’s just a little, it should be alright?” Victor chirped, and in that instant Yuri spun around excitedly and his face had lit up with the brightest expression and most angelic smile Victor could imagine. It was the kind of smile that reached Yuri’s eyes, where the light blush on his cheeks made him glow beautifully.

 _Calm down, me_ , Victor chanted repeatedly in his head, willing the fluttery feeling in his chest to – well, not go away, but like, chill, because his heart was seriously pounding so ridiculously fast it felt like it was going to rip its way out of his chest. Sure, Yuri had smiled a lot around Victor, but _that_ kind of smile was a first. It was heavenly, and Victor was amazed by the effect his response had on Yuri. Yuri did love the piano so, but it seemed that he was also eager to share this passion for the instrument with others, and with Victor. And since this made Yuri happy, Victor was more than willing to comply to such requests from now on.

As Yuri scrambled around animatedly trying to figure out how the both of them could settle comfortably before the piano, Victor swore to himself that _that_ lie was definitely going to be the last one he told. He was going to do everything he could to protect Yuri’s smile.

 

 

 

In the end, the chair Victor had been sitting on earlier was deemed unusable simply because it was of the wrong height, and whoever sat on that while attempting to play the piano was going to get sore wrists, or sore arms, or both. It was decided that they would share the standard-sized piano bench. It could barely fit the both of them, but they had to make do with it. Fortunately, they were using a piano in one of the school’s small studios, that Yuri had booked beforehand, which no doubt saved the two a lot of embarrassment as the sides of their bodies pressed together closely, Victor on the right as Yuri had instructed, so that he could access the higher octaves with his right hand.    


Yuri could feel his heart pounding at an incredible rate. One, he was way too close, almost too close for comfort. Such proximity offered Yuri a clear view of Victor’s facial features that he’d never observed so closely, and Yuri’s eyes traced the other man’s side profile – the full silvery lashes that fluttered so gently with the blink of his eyes, the tall bridge of his nose, and his thin and pinkish lips, which always seemed soft, unlike Yuri’s, which were usually chapped most of the time. Two. It was really distracting, and making Yuri very, very self-conscious. The feeling of Victor’s skin heating up against his, that is.

Yuri fidgeted in his seat, silently praying that Victor wouldn’t be able to hear the palpitations of Yuri’s heart, because he was just beginning to think that the sounds were getting a tad bit too loud. Thanks to this awkward position they’d found themselves in, Yuri’s mind found itself in a whirl, and as the echoes of his heartbeat rang in his ears, he hoped that his exposed arm wouldn’t get sweaty against Victors, and – _I don’t stink, right?_ – Hopefully there would be no excessive perspiration, no weird smell, no Victor catching a whiff of anything that vaguely resembled some sort of body odour. _Please_ , Yuri begged. Yuri’s worries just seemed to accumulate with every second, and the snowballing showed no signs of stopping. Fortunately Yuri’s anxiousness did not go unnoticed by Victor, who playfully nudged him, causing Yuri to finally snap out of his trance. It was a great struggle to stay relaxed right next to Victor, but Yuri willed himself to calm down, all the while cursing in his head for not checking the damn chair before he raised this suggestion.

 

“Put your right hand to your kneecap, and maintain that curved position when your hand’s back on the piano keys,” Yuri directed, and while Victor watched attentively, he demonstrated what he meant by fitting his hand on top of his knee before lifting it back up. Then, Victor imitated it perfectly, and luckily, was able to keep his fingers in a manner that was satisfactory in Yuri’s opinion.

“Good, but your wrist’s a little low,” Yuri remarked before proceeding to nudge Victor’s inner wrist upwards gently while trying, to the best of his ability, to ignore the alarms that had been set off all at once in his head which collectively indicated that he had just initiated skin contact with Victor even though it was just his fingers touching Victor’s wrist. Only Victor had ever initiated any kind of contact, especially during their skating tutorials, and Yuri honestly thought he was going to lose it from the nervousness.

 

Apparently, Victor might have been one of those students who used to pay close attention during music lessons back in school where they learnt the recorder, or so Yuri thought, because the skater was actually able to recite the scales, he knew about middle C, and what was even more surprising was that he was capable of reading notes. But that was as far as it went – Victor could not match the letters to the keys on the pianos, so he had to start from scratch, but that was exactly what Yuri was there for.

Yuri decided to let Victor work with a simple piece for a start, and after he played the song once he got up from the bench to let Victor have it to himself so he could learn the song more comfortably. Yuri watched intently as Victor continuously shifted his attention between the music score and the piano keys, struggling to remember which key matched which note. Victor was strict with himself: the skater caught himself every time his hand went slack, and was fast to correct its positioning while maintaining his posture on the bench. Yuri observed this silently, though he was thoroughly impressed with Victor’s diligence, despite this impromptu piano lesson being something done on a whim. The truth was that Victor was being so attentive mainly because he wanted to please Yuri, but of course Yuri didn’t know that.

Yuri watched Victor concentrate on trying to get the notes right, ploughing through the song and hitting the correct keys slowly but steadily. And when he finally managed to finish playing the piece perfectly, Victor immediately turned to look at Yuri eagerly for feedback, catching the pianist by surprise.

“I did it!” Victor declared proudly and his blue eyes sparkled with excitement as he awaited Yuri’s response. He inched closer and almost resembled a cute little puppy yearning to be pet and praised for his achievement.

Yuri blanked out for a second, dazed by Victor’s child-like, innocent demeanour. This was an unintentional display of it, Yuri was sure. And this was the first time he was getting to see it.

“You’re really good at this, Victor,” Yuri mused.

“Maybe it’s because…” Victor put a finger to his lip playfully, “I’m a genius?”

Yuri laughed, much to Victor’s delight.

“Yes, maybe you are.”

Victor brightened even more and let out a little ‘yay’, his heart-shaped smile surfacing once again, before returning to the piano to practise the piece once again.

As soon as Victor’s attention was no longer on him Yuri allowed it to sink into his head. Yes, even though the skater probably did not even realise it, for a split second there Yuri’s breath had been taken away by Victor’s unbelievably adorable behaviour. From Yuri’s recollections Victor had always usually been cool and collected when he skated and when interacted with the pianist. What surrounded Victor was an air of maturity and confidence which the pianist had always admired and wished to emulate, from the time they met. Yet today Yuri had been granted a lucky chance to witness this side of Victor, one he certainly had no idea of until now. And it was the complete opposite of what Victor had always presented himself as so far. But Yuri wasn’t complaining. Victor was definitely cute.

Realising that this child-like demeanour was probably closer to Victor’s actual personality, Yuri let out a light-hearted chuckle, tearing Victor’s attention away from the piano, who was visibly confused.

“I’m sorry for interrupting you. It’s nothing, you can continue practising.” Yuri smiled sheepishly.

“You must enjoy bullying a newbie like me, Yuri,” Victor retorted, dissatisfied with Yuri’s response.

Yuri simply waved his hand to get Victor back to practice, and the other man reluctantly complied with a pout, disappointed that he did not get to hear the real reason for Yuri’s sudden laughter.

 

Yuri was ecstatic that he had managed to discover something new about Victor, but more than that he was thrilled that Victor had even agreed to this impromptu piano lesson, even though he must have had wanted to decline. Victor had always been watching Yuri play, so the pianist had thought that something like this might help to break them away from the usual routine. It didn’t matter even if Victor wasn’t keen on keeping this up long-term, but Yuri was overjoyed that Victor was even willing to try. More importantly, it was one way of increasing the duration of time they spent together, even if Yuri didn’t want to admit it to the other man.

It was an unreasonable and selfish request, but Yuri silently hoped he could spend time with Victor like this forever.

 

 

 

But probably not.

 

Yuri had noticed this for some time now, and even if he tried very hard to not let it get to him, it was constantly bugging him. He couldn’t possibly be… Jealous?

Ever since Yuri had attained a pretty good standard for an amateur ice skater, and there was no way he would be skating competitively at his age, the time he spent at the rink was mainly for the purpose of maintaining and refining the skills he had acquired – which meant that Victor no longer spent 100% of the practice hours with Yuri. Not that Yuri could blame him –Victor was putting that time to better use: providing feedback to the parents of his students, or exchanging words with other extremely skilled skaters who came by to visit and try out the rink – even though he was a tad bit disappointed.

Victor was continuing to hang out with Yuri and remained enthusiastic about supporting Yuri’s piano performances – Yuri should have been thankful and not take it for granted, but he still felt strangely uncomfortable whenever he was at the ice rink. Unlike he who had become increasingly dependent on Victor for his company, the charismatic skater was more than often surrounded by various people, including people who were very attractive, far more attractive than Yuri himself, who was beginning to dread going to the ice rink where he would have to experience his self-esteem plunge to rock bottom every single time. Victor was a very, very popular person, and as much as Yuri did not want to think in such a way, he was convinced he was gradually losing Victor’s attention, and sooner or later, Victor would no longer see anything interesting in Yuri anymore. After all, Yuri didn’t believe he had many redeeming qualities, so it was only inevitable that eventually, that day would come. It frightened Yuri, but he was sure he could find ways to cope with separating from Victor. Probably. He wasn’t sure if he’d cry, but he could sleep his heartache away, or binge eat all that pork cutlet bowls, or… Something. He’d find a solution.

Of course, he should have known from the start that he couldn’t possibly have a chance with such an attractive, amazing and likeable skater. But Yuri’s vision had been clouded by his emotions and he had thought too highly of himself, all because spending so much time with Victor was actually making him feel special. Or at least, making him _think_ he was special to Victor.

Anyway, it was a pity that he had only discovered his feelings for Victor so recently, but it was a good thing that he detected this early, or else it would have been irreversible if his feelings ran uncontrollably deep. By then, he would be beyond salvation.

Right now it wasn’t too late, and Yuri could still let go.

 

 

 

Yuri stared at the pile of music manuscript paper that he’d filled in so diligently the past week, contemplating chucking them away into his drawer forever. He had put so much thought into every note in hopes of working the piece to perfection, a song that’d only fit Victor, and would fit him best.

Even if there wasn’t hope between him and Victor, Yuri still wished to express his deep gratitude for Victor, who had unexpectedly come to make up a huge part of the pianist’s life. Yuri had considered so many options with this one proving to be the best – truth be told, it would be a waste not going through with it considering he had already devoted so much time to it, and had already progressed halfway through.

Yuri took a deep breath. It was alright, he could still do this and they could remain close friends like they were now. He could still perform for Victor, he could still practise at the rink, they could still hang out like they had done up till now. Nothing would have changed. The two of them would still be the same. Except that Yuri would get rid of those feelings – feelings that made him feel jealous of people he did not even know and want to selfishly have Victor all to himself. He still wanted to try to be someone Victor could rely on, and they were in the way.

 

Yuri decided that the moment he gifted Victor the piece would be the moment he buried his feelings into the depths of his heart forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still trying to sort out the storyline for the remaining parts of this fic so please give me some time! (Honestly speaking… I’ve hit a roadblock.) And also, as you can probably tell, I am not a seasoned writer, so I take longer to churn out a whole chapter. As always, thank you for reading and I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.


	8. gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri retreats, and Victor advances.

Victor picked the bow up, adjusting it between his slender fingers before positioning it above the strings of the violin that was firmly held to his chin. It had been some time since Victor returned to practising the violin once again – he’d kept it a secret from everyone, his musician acquaintances and _regrettably_ , Yuri, the person he’s been really hoping to surprise in due time. Victor’s free time was now spent between teaching Yuri to skate, watching Yuri play the piano, and devoting a significant fraction of the time to his own musical instrument. He had been recording his progress in a little notebook: what he was doing well and what he wasn’t was all diligently noted down clearly – he was progressing relatively well but he wasn’t going to let himself be vulnerable to any potential slip-ups. He had to correct every minute error, and he had to correct them as soon as possible. Victor didn’t think he could ever return to the old glorious days where he had shone as a young prodigy, but for his wish, and for Yuri, he had been praying fervently and working extremely hard in order to get himself back to a more-than-presentable state.

Victor drew the bow across the violin strings, taking in the soothing melody. He was finally able to play music once again – the nagging feeling in his chest had ceased for some time now and he was gradually becoming able to let go, albeit slowly, of the embarrassment and regret that had been burned into his entire being for the longest duration. It was now or never – he had to brush up his skills real fast, so he could make amends for this foolish state of pretence he was in, as soon as possible. Even though Victor made it a point to shove it all to the back of his mind when he was around Yuri, the fact that he was still keeping all of these secret was beginning to torture him from the inside. It wasn’t as if Victor had done something bad behind Yuri’s back, so this matter to do with the violin was relatively harmless, but Victor knew a lie was a lie, and he was racing against time to see how early he could reveal everything to Yuri and apologise for that stupid move of his.

If he could, Victor would absolutely undo that move and tell Yuri the truth, but the Victor of that moment had been way too cowardly and unconfident. Victor only hoped it wouldn’t be too late by the time he did the big reveal, and Yuri would forgive him.

 

 

 

“This…” Yuri held a CD out before Victor, “is for you.”

Victor stared blankly at the CD that was shaking slightly because of the trembling of Yuri’s hands, wiping his hair that had been completely drenched in sweat by the end of practice. Yuri’s embarrassment was spelled out on his face, and from the way the young man was avoiding Victor’s gaze. This only piqued Victor’s curiosity, who couldn’t resist teasing Yuri a little.

“What’s that?” Victor chirped playfully, “Perhaps, it’s _some_ kind of video you filmed?”

“What?! No!” Yuri spat, in a hurry to defend himself from anything weird Victor was going to suggest.

Victor raised an eyebrow, looking at Yuri with a mischievous grin. The younger man simply sighed, a little disappointed in himself for walking right into the trap and overreacting to what was obviously a joke.

“It’s a song that… I made,” Yuri admitted to a wide-eyed Victor, who was trying to take in the fact that Yuri had surprised him once again.

“Um, it’s to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Victor.”

Victor simply stared at the CD which was now in his hands, an indescribable mix of emotions surging through him. This piece of music had been written with Victor in mind, by Yuri – the Yuri that Victor had first been attracted to by his piano performance, and had admired so much. The Yuri who Victor had taken under his wing for skating, the Yuri who had always so willingly spent his free time with Victor instead of finding the latter an annoyance. The Yuri who was standing before him wanted to thank him, when Victor felt that _he_ should be the one thanking Yuri.

Seeing that Victor wasn’t having much of a visible reaction to the CD that he had just handed over, Yuri began to panic. God, what was he thinking? He was just a pianist, he should have just stuck to playing the piano. Perhaps putting up some special performance for Victor would have been good. God knows who planted the idea of making an original piece into his head. He was merely an amateur composer, none of his current work would mean much right now, so of course it’s not a surprise that Victor’s reaction was lukewarm.

“I-I’m sorry! I wasn’t sure if you’ll like it, but if you’d prefer another gi-”

Yuri’s words were cut off by a sudden weight that been thrown upon him, and Yuri stumbled backwards slightly as he struggled to regain his balance, and to comprehend what exactly had happened. It all made sense as soon as Yuri realised he had been locked into a tight yet strangely comforting iron grip. The young man completely froze into position, skin heating up and arms hanging by his sides, surprised by the sudden contact. Victor, in his delight and happiness, had swiftly wrapped his arms around Yuri, burying his face into the younger man’s shoulder. Victor had received so much from Yuri ever since their first meeting, including musical inspiration and the will to face his past fears – but this was the first formal gift that Yuri had ever presented to him, and Victor swore he would treasure it forever.

“It’s alright, Yuri. I love it.”

On hearing this, all of Yuri’s earlier worries and hesitation vanished, and he reached up to touch his hands to Victor’s back, returning the hug. Victor’s words eased his anxieties, but as Yuri tightened his arms around Victor he forced himself to ignore the ache in his heart.

 _This is it_ , Yuri shut his eyes as he willed all his growing feelings for Victor to go away. What he had now, was surely more than enough.

 

 

 

“Yurio~” Victor greeted the boy in an almost sickeningly sweet sing-song voice as the younger Yuri made his way to the rink for practice. It was past opening hours, but Yurio was often granted special permission to access the rink for private practice at night.

“Stop that. It’s creepy,” Yurio clicked his tongue without acknowledging the other skater, who was by the rink side, looking all dreamy with his earphones in.

“Do you know what I’m listening to?” Victor excitedly nudged Yurio repeatedly, annoying the teenager who was in the middle of removing his skate guards. Surely he was indulging in some new songs, but this wasn’t the time for a pointless conversation, and Yurio certainly could not care less for Victor’s questionable music tastes.

“No,” Yurio replied curtly as he slammed the skate guards down, “And I don’t care.”

As if on cue, Victor began to sniffle, summoning fake tears that were reserved for Yurio’s nonchalant remarks. The blonde skater, already used to Victor’s ridiculous antics, simply snorted and moved onto the ice, leaving the older skater pouting at the younger’s severe lack of interest.

 

 

 

Just as Yurio approached the rinkside for his water break, Mila emerged from the changing rooms. Victor had still been there, earphones glued into ears and looking absolutely on cloud nine. As soon as he noticed her presence, he began to wave excitedly at her, and in response received hesitant waves from a very confused Mila.

“What’s going on?”

“Hey, hey, do you know what I’m listening to?” Victor grinned, and earned a curious look from Mila who simply shook her head.

“Not again,” Yurio muttered in annoyance.

Victor, extremely pleased that he had at least gotten a response to his question this time, hastily disconnected the earpiece and set the volume to the maximum before hitting the play button.

“Yuri composed this song for me!” He exclaimed triumphantly, as if he was eager to show off his prized treasure.

As the opening melody flowed through the rink, Mila found herself basking in the gentle, graceful notes of the song, even lightly swaying along to the remarkable piece. The enchanting melody had captured even Yurio’s attention, who was surprised that for the _first_ time Victor hadn’t been listening to something weird, and more importantly, _that_ timid and shy guy actually got this done up on his own. Not that Yurio had never seen Yuri work at the piano, but before this the skater had no idea about the demarcations of the limits to the pianist’s talent.

Meanwhile, Victor had already risen from where he had been sitting, and was directing his arms and legs in steps that were reminiscent of ballet techniques. Apparently, he had considered creating a choreography to match it, and was already thinking of appropriate movements to be used.

As the piece came to a close, Mila could not resist giving the warmest applause even though Yuri was not there to receive it. The entire piece had been done using just a single instrument – the piano – but the dynamics, the transitions and expressions of varying emotions had been so brilliantly and effectively conveyed through Yuri’s artistry.

“That was amazing,” she gasped in awe and admiration while Victor nodded proudly.

“Right~?”

Then they both looked to Yurio for his response. Though he had indeed been impressed by Yuri’s work, there was absolutely _no_ way he was going to admit that. He wasn’t going to give them the reply they wanted.

“What did he do that for? Commemoration for getting together?” The blonde snickered.

“Stop teasing, Yurio,” Victor poked the boy’s cheek, and Yurio was quick to slap Victor’s hand away. “We’re not together~”

“What? I thought you two were already going out.” Genuine surprised was spelled out on Mila’s visage, and reflected on Yurio as well, even if it was only for a split second.

“Are you shitting me?” Yurio furrowed his brows, an unconvinced look plastered on his face.

An uncomfortable silence hung over the three of them as Mila and Yurio quietly watched Victor, observing his actions and movements for signs.

Victor shook his head with a forced, cheerless smile on his face, and began to busy himself with keeping away his earphones and other belongings. He was always genuinely happy when he spent time with Yuri that he would _forget_ to worry about the lie, but at other times, he struggled to put on a false front when forced to confront his fears. Like now.

“I thought everything was going alright,” Mila began, slight hesitation in her voice.

“It… was,” Victor answered, still refusing to meet her glance. “Well – it still is going fine, no worries.”

“You didn’t ask him out? You two have been so close lately, I thought for sure you had –”

“No,” Victor interjected. “I haven’t asked… Um, it’s just complicated right now,” he confessed, running a hand through his hair, eyes still fixated on the ground. The other two skaters listened without saying a word, and waited patiently for Victor to continue relating the story.

“I… Kind of lied to him about something,” Victor twiddled his fingers nervously. “I thought it was a minor issue, but on retrospection, I’m guessing it isn’t, not at least to Yuri. I had been considering telling him the truth but I just couldn’t get the timing right. And it was nerve-wrecking,” Victor chuckled in self-defeat. “So, somehow, this has dragged on till now.”

Victor knew things weren’t looking good. He had pondered over it for a long time, and realised that forgiveness wasn’t going to come easy. This was related to music, and he knew how deep Yuri’s passion for music and the piano ran – he would be sorely disappointed to know the truth.

With concern and worry reflected in her eyes Mila strode over to Victor and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Sometimes I end up wondering if there’s any point to whatever I’m doing. Maybe Yuri won’t forgive me. Heck, I don’t even know if he has the slightest interest in me –”

“But that pig likes you.” Yurio spat, having completely lost his patience with Victor’s helpless image.

“What?” Victor and Mila looked at the other skater, both wide-eyed.

“He pretty much told me himself. Even though he didn’t realise what his own feelings were.”

“R-Really?” Victor whispered.

Even if Victor had an inkling, he hadn’t been sure. Yuri wasn’t the type to be straightforward or forthcoming about his emotions, and Victor hadn’t tried to coax some kind of confession out of Yuri either. He hadn’t wanted to push the other man at all, but at the same time Victor couldn’t bring himself to say anything, not with the burden and guilt of the lie weighing down on his shoulders.

But at that point he was just relieved to hear the encouraging news Yurio had brought him – it was like a confirmation that all these probably meant something to Yuri just as they meant something to Victor.

What Victor did from then on would not be in vain.

“So basically the story is that you went out and ruined everything even before anything could start?” Yurio questioned, earning an angry “Yurio!” from Mila who was exasperated at his sharp tongue.

“Have I ruined it?” Victor let out a weak chuckle, still feeling defeated by his current predicament.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

 

 

 

On receiving the original composition Yuri had gifted to him, Victor knew straightaway that he _had_ to come up with an original choreography to match it. He had ideas for what sort of steps and jumps to include, but should he prepare a solo choreography, so that he could surprise Yuri by skating it for him when he’s done? Or would it be better to make it a pair choreography, so that he could teach it to Yuri and they could skate together? They would each achieve different effects, but they were equally exciting. However, it bothered Victor that neither option seemed to suffice for what he had in mind.

Yuri might be satisfied with just a choreography for the song he’d gifted Victor, but surely it wasn’t enough for Victor’s grand scheme. Victor was cheating in this game, and he was clearly aware of it. If what Yurio had mentioned was true, that Yuri was actually interested in Victor, then Victor had the upper hand. If Yurio had spoken the truth, Victor was facing a near-zero chance of rejection. With this selfish newfound confidence, Victor was determined to plan the perfect opportunity in order to correct his lie and to confess. It’d be perfect. It had to be.

He needed something more personal to make it up to Yuri, something that’d really reflect what he wanted to convey.

For Victor, his life after giving up the violin so suddenly had been hell – he had almost spiralled into depression, only barely clinging on thanks to skating, which helped him to refocus his energy onto something else completely unrelated to music. The violin hadn’t been robbed away from him, but Victor forced it away and out from his life. What had once been his raison d'être had become something he swore never to come into contact with again, simply because he felt he didn’t deserve to play a violin ever again. The regret of failing a performance and bringing nothing but disappointment to everyone who supported him remained ingrained in Victor’s head, but the passing of time had washed away any remnants of the desire to pick up the instrument once again.

Or so he’d thought.

The ordinary chance meeting, the lucky coincidence that he knew the other Yuri – Yuri’s appearance in Victor’s life had turned everything around. Even now Victor could still feel the warmth of the passion Yuri’s beautiful piano performance had ignited in him. He could still recall, the first time after so long he realised that deep inside him he still yearned for the violin’s music created by his own hands.

And as if that weren’t enough, Victor later received so much more from Yuri. The numerous occasions on which Yuri would gladly play the piano for him alone or agree to have lunch with Victor only brought the two of them closer, and Victor could not have been more thankful for Yuri’s presence, which always warmed his heart and acquainted him with the fluttery sensation that accompanied happiness. Yuri was always so kind and accepting of Victor, and in turn Victor found everything about Yuri absolutely endearing, especially his smile.

Victor really hoped that Yuri wouldn’t take it too badly when he told him he could actually play the violin. There were ways to make amends for his lie and the damage he was causing to their relationship, but indeed, there would be nothing more fitting than a violin performance for Yuri alone…

Yes, that was it! Far better than just preparing only a choreography for the Yuri’s original composition, the perfect gift in return would be a violin performance, and not just any performance – Victor would compose an accompaniment to Yuri’s original piece, and play it for him on the day they meet. That couldn’t go wrong – it was surely the best way Victor could convey his regret for disregarding Yuri’s feelings when he refused to speak the truth then.

But this time, Victor was sure he would be able to tell Yuri everything about his past – glory, embarrassment and everything else that led up to the point he met Yuri. If Yuri wanted to know, Victor would tell. That was how it was going to be from then on. After all, Yuri had given to Victor the missing part of his life by inspiring him to return to the violin, and Yuri had also given to Victor, through all their shared interactions, the feeling of love. All these while, Victor had been on the receiving end, and it was only right that he gave back to Yuri by coming clean about everything.

As soon as he completed the violin accompaniment, he would give Yuri a call and ask to meet. He just needed a little more time.

_Please wait, Yuri. Please… Just a little longer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God. Writing is difficult. I’m really sorry about the quality of my work, but I’m trying my best. I’ll be very grateful if you inform me of any mistakes. On a side note, I expect there to be only a few more chapters for this work. Thank you for reading and I’ll see you at the next update!


	9. sharing the untold secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What have I done and am I doing this right?

Avoiding the warm morning light that was peeking through the slit between the curtains, Yuri had his face buried into the soft pillow away from the glare of the sun. He had decided he was going to sleep in for an extra hour – it was Saturday after all – and had snoozed the alarm that had blared through his room, but the message tone jolted him awake once more.

 _Who? It’s too early in the morning._ Yuri groaned, and extended an outstretched arm towards the side table, hand blindly reaching for his phone. Without bothering to put on his glasses he peered closely at the new text.

Oh. It was Victor.

_“I have a new programme I want to show you~ Can you be at the rink at 9pm next Friday?”_

This sent Yuri scooting up in his bed to an upright sitting position. He brightened up, feeling completely awake all of a sudden. A new programme. Victor didn’t skate competitively, so new programmes from him were kind of rare – the skater only choreographed to his favourite songs for fun, and only if he felt strongly enough to want to invest time and effort into creating _perfection_. When Yuri visited the rink he had managed to see Victor’s personal programmes, but for Victor to specially _invite_ him to the rink just so that he could watch his new programme… That was a first.

_“Of course! I am looking forward to it~”_

Yuri pressed ‘send’, set the phone aside and comfortably settled under the blankets again. He couldn’t wait. There was no need to doubt that the programme would be absolutely flawless. And to think that he was going to be Victor’s special audience for this new programme! It really was exciting. Yuri giggled to himself as his eyes fluttered close once more.

 

 

 

It was high noon – Yuri had overslept, way past his intended waking time, and was now making his way through rows of shops to tick items off his necessity shopping list.

And unlike earlier where he _felt_ awake, now he was truly awake. Awake enough to realise that he should have toned down his feelings of excitement. A comfortable, safe distance was what he needed to keep his feelings from boiling over. He was working on killing them, but it was proving a challenge – after all, feelings don’t die so quickly.

But sometimes Yuri really, honest to god, forgot that he’d promised himself to give it all up.

He couldn’t admit it to anyone, but Victor was actually the first person he’d actually felt so strongly for. Of course, he had crushes in the past, but Yuri wasn’t the type to act on them, and on top of that, those were merely fleeting, ephemeral feelings of attraction that were barely substantial at all. Victor was definitely the first person Yuri actually wanted to hold on to, but it was pretty much over now. Granted, Yuri hadn’t confessed so he hadn’t actually officially lost, but the deliberation necessitated by the desire to convey one’s feelings was a constant pitiful reminder of Yuri’s weak resolve and lack of courage. Yuri wasn’t the kind to bet it all – he didn’t like to play a losing game, which was the exact attitude he had towards piano competitions until Victor came along into his life, and showed Yuri how much he appreciated his artistry without the pianist having to prove that he was at the top of his game. But this wasn’t the piano – this concerned emotions and feelings and could potentially hurt either party if things went wrong. Yuri treasured their current status as friends more than anything and was desperate to not let his selfish feelings jeopardise their friendship. There was no need to say a word about it, especially since he was quite sure Victor didn’t feel the same,

Recognising his feelings (thanks to Yurio’s help) was useful, but it sure was difficult trying to fan down the flames from his romantic attraction to the skater. Victor took up too much of Yuri’s thoughts, and even now, while strolling on the streets, his mind had ridiculously been overtaken. All thanks to Victor.…

 

_Victor?_

Yuri paused in front of a particular store in which a tall, well-built man with silver hair was standing. He was dressed in trousers and a long trench coat, facing away from the entrance while leaning against the counter. Yuri couldn’t see his face just yet from where he stood, but he was more than very sure that the man in the store was indeed Victor. Yuri had always watched Victor attentively during their time at the rink – he could recognise the skater anywhere.

Yuri wanted to call out to him, but stopped short when he realised something was off.

Right. To Yuri’s knowledge, there was no need at all for Victor to be in this store. It was weird that Victor was even in there. It was odd, because this was the store they’d passed by together the other day.

The store that retailed musical instruments.

 

_Just what was Victor doing in there?_

It was most puzzling, and Yuri found himself peeking in from outside the entrance, contemplating if he should just waltz in and say hi. Or perhaps, just perhaps, this wasn’t a situation for him to barge into?

“Press here,” a clear voice broke Yuri’s train of thought. Victor was now speaking to a young child who had held a small violin to his chin. Yuri watched curiously as Victor gently readjusted the boy’s fingers and gave a signal for him to draw the bow across the strings. What resonated was a proper chord. The young boy’s eyes sparkled and beamed at Victor, who returned the smile while patting his head.

_Wait, what? But how? It can’t be. Victor said he didn’t play any musical instruments._

Just then, a man returned to the counter and began working on a small instrument diligently. Victor turned his attention away from the young boy, who then ventured off to show his mother what he could play. On the counter was a violin _. Was it Victor’s?_ _An acquaintance’s or friend’s, maybe?_ The shopkeeper began making small talk, and in a mix of surprise and bewilderment, Yuri realised he must have missed the chance to enter and greet Victor casually. Eventually Yuri decided he would do nothing but observe, finding it hard to interrupt their conversation now, though he wanted to listen in. The counter wasn’t too far away but with the noise and bustle of the streets, that was near impossible, so Yuri stepped in stealthily, looking for an inconspicuous area where he could hear them and well, wait for Victor.

Yuri hadn’t sat on one of the piano benches for long when the shopkeeper spoke up again.

“You mentioned you hadn’t played some time, but this is rather well-maintained, mister.”

“Um, yes. I had additional strings at home so I replaced them, but I have a performance coming up so I thought I should do a proper full maintenance check,” Victor answered.

“I see… If you don’t mind, how long have you been playing for?” The shopkeeper asked curiously.

Victor let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Ever since I was a kid. But I stopped for three years.”

 

_Ever since he was a kid…? Stopped for three… years?_

Yuri couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation, not with his latest discovery blocking out everything else. All Yuri knew was that he desperately needed to process his thoughts.

His mind was a total blank. After all, what he just heard didn’t tally with what he knew – he had clearly asked Victor, and Victor had clearly answered that he didn’t play any musical instruments. But here Yuri was, hiding in a corner of this shop where Victor just taught a child to play a chord and revealed that he used to play the violin and was returning to it now.

And an upcoming performance? Why didn’t he get to hear about that? Victor never said a word about the violin or a performance. Nothing at all.

Did Victor want to just keep it all hidden under wraps? Did he not want to tell Yuri at all? For as long as he could? Or was he waiting for Yuri figure it out himself?

Something burned in Yuri. Hurt, shame and anger. He didn’t think he could become any closer to Victor than they had already been, but sometimes Yuri did think that he must have had at least meant a little something to Victor, even as a friend or a student. And he had always held on to that knowledge as a sliver of hope. It made him happy thinking that whether or not his feelings would be reciprocated, nothing else mattered, if he had even the slightest importance in Victor’s eyes.

Guess he had just been proven wrong.

Yuri snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Victor thank the shopkeeper. Now was the time to catch Victor. He _had_ to ask him, no, confront him. He _needed_ to talk to him. There was so many questions Yuri had, and he _wanted_ Victor to answer all of them. Maybe this was all a misunderstanding, and just maybe all those terrible thoughts were invalid. What if Victor provided reassuring answers? Yuri would hear Victor out – he wanted to.

But when Yuri cut into Victor’s path to the exit, stopping the skater in his tracks, he realised he didn’t have the willpower to do it at all. The shock on Victor’s face, followed by a guilty expression was enough to convince Yuri to drop all the plans he had. Victor had opened his mouth to speak, but Yuri wasn’t even sure what Victor had said. He couldn’t, and didn’t need to hear it. There were no questions he needed to ask – the answers he would receive had all been spelled out on Victor’s face.

It was true. Yuri was of no importance to Victor. Victor felt no need to share with Yuri anything. He even went to the extent of lying so that Yuri didn’t have to know what he didn’t need to know. That must have been it.

 

Yuri dashed out of the store.

He ran and ran. Down the streets. He would go as far as he could. He didn’t know what and how to feel anymore. Tears of shame rolled down his cheeks as he chided himself for being a fool, thinking that he actually meant something to Victor when he clearly didn’t.

Did Victor know what Yuri had thought? If Victor had been able to play an instrument, Yuri would have desperately wanted to perform a duet with him. Desperately. There was nothing Yuri loved more than the piano and music (though skating was becoming a close second) – if he could ever play a piece in collaboration with someone he liked… He would feel liberated. Blessed. Content. Of course, there was no blaming if Victor was not involved in music, which Yuri truly believed. But Victor _was_ musically trained. And he had a long history as well.

The pianist did not know how far he had run from the store. Yuri’s legs were tired, but he refused to give in. He couldn’t think of what to do but to just escape from the scene as fast and as far as possible. He wanted to ask Victor about so many things, but at that moment, he just couldn’t. It was guilt from stumbling onto Victor’s secret; it was loneliness from what felt like a half-rejection. He hurriedly wiped his tears with the sleeve of his sweater.

Yuri knew he was overreacting to a simple white lie. But it was hurtful that Victor had to keep it under wraps. Victor didn’t want Yuri to know. He didn’t want the pianist to know that he used to be seriously involved in the music field. He didn’t want to have to mention it to Yuri, he didn’t want to have to talk it out and explain himself, he didn’t want –

It didn’t make sense at all, did it? Yuri had so clearly told himself to relinquish all the feelings he had for Victor. But what he continued to demand from Victor only pointed to the fact that he couldn’t let go of his position of being next to Victor, of having some special value to the skater. And now he was upset just because Victor didn’t tell him something that Yuri thought was pretty important. Maybe Victor thought of it as trivial. But Yuri was petty. He didn’t want Victor to keep things from him. He wanted to know everything about Victor. Because he still loved –

 

Having been grabbed by the wrist by a firm grip, Yuri spun around only to come face to face with none other than the skater himself.

_Victor._

The skater had chased after Yuri the instant the latter sprinted off – his dishevelled hair and the beads of perspiration that were rolling down the sides of his face and neck were more than enough proof of that.

It might have been thanks to the relief from being able to catch up with Yuri, but Victor began to tear up to Yuri’s shock, who had never seen him cry.

“I’m sorry, Yuri. I’ll explain, please. Please…” Victor lowered his head in shame and he tried to hold back his tears, his grip on Yuri’s wrist growing tighter by the second.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you about it because I had been in a slump for so long, and –”

“Okay,” Yuri mumbled, refusing to meet Victor’s eyes. He knew he still had feelings for Victor but being as petty as he was, Yuri wasn’t ready to forgive Victor just yet.

Victor internally heaved a sigh of relief at Yuri’s calm response – he could do this – and hesitantly reached out to touch the pianist on his arm gently, only to have it backfire at him as Yuri shoved Victor away.

“I thought we were close enough to talk about such things. I play an instrument too! But yeah, I guess I wasn’t worthy?” For some unexplainable reason Yuri snapped again, tears flowing down his face uncontrollably.

“That’s not it, Yuri.” Victor knew he was wrong, for having kept it a secret from Yuri and for not being able to entrust his insecurities and fears to the pianist. It was completely reasonable that Yuri was angry at him and Victor was fully aware of that fact.

“I suppose I thought too highly of myself,” Yuri continued dejectedly.

“Wait – No, Yuri. I wasn’t thinking straight, I’m sorry –” Victor scrambled to come up with something – _anything_ – that would appease Yuri, who was beginning to walk away, face completely stained with tears and body shaking in anger and disappointment.

The performance Victor had been preparing for was to show Yuri when they met at the rink the next Friday – that was when he would reveal everything, along with the choreography he had done up for Yuri’s composition. However things unexpectedly failed to turn out the way he wanted and heck, those grand plans were now down the drain but what was worse was that he had zero idea how to convince Yuri to accept his apology. His mind was a blank and was not producing a single idea; Victor was this close to going on a full-panic mode.

“You need an excuse better than that, Victor.” Yuri choked out. Victor was afraid Yuri would start walking away again, but thankfully, he remained standing where he was. Victor approached apprehensively and for a while just stood quietly next to Yuri.

“I’m sorry, Yuri. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to disappoint you. But I know that’s not a very good reason,” Victor admitted.

“I started the violin while I was still in pre-school. And I had been playing ever since. And yes, I have been in recitals and competitions. Lots of them. Everything was good…” The skater twiddled his fingers nervously.

“Until I messed up real bad in a really important performance. I… Hated myself for that. It wasn’t just any normal slip-up, you know. I just blanked out for no reason and it went horribly wrong. I believed I wasn’t deserving of playing the violin anymore, so I stopped –”

Yuri spun around, a saddened expression on his face.

“So you weren’t willing to tell me, just because you wanted to appear strong in front of me? Even though I shared all my problems with you…”

Victor’s feet were rooted to the ground; no words would come out. Because Yuri had hit the bullseye. He had bared all his insecurities to Victor, but Victor was selfishly concerned with maintaining a farce. To tell the truth, since the start Victor had always placed Yuri on a pedestal – for being talented in his field, and for possessing undying spirit. To him Yuri was more than a genius. Yuri was almost saintly.

Although Victor knew that Yuri would never look down on him for giving up on the violin, deep inside him he had stubbornly held on to the thinking that it would be the greatest embarrassment should Yuri come to know of his past. He would disappoint Yuri greatly. That was what Victor had believed. Even though he had planned a performance to apologise, those self-depreciating thoughts that had taken root in his heart never left him.

“I’m really sorry… But Yuri, you’re the reason why I decided to try to the violin again,” Victor confessed, tears threatening to spill once again. He wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to having to reveal his weaknesses to others.

“I’m not a worthy violinist. I didn’t think I could return to it ever again… But then I met you, and –”

 

Before he could finish, Victor felt trembling arms wrap around him.

“I’m sorry too,” Yuri muttered, burying his face into Victor’s shoulder. He understood all that Victor had said. And the sense of worthlessness when you couldn’t be your best? Yuri knew it far better than anyone. If that was Victor’s reason, Yuri could cut him some slack.

_I guess I was a little too harsh…_

“I’m pathetic for being upset over this but I’m petty about the smallest things and you know that…” Yuri reasoned.

“Yeah.” Victor mumbled as he relished in the warmth of Yuri’s arms.

“And if you weren’t comfortable with it yet, I wouldn’t have forced you to play for me or something, but you could have at least told me about it.”

“I know. I regretted not telling you, Yuri.” Victor whispered as he pulled Yuri in for a tighter hug. He knew no greater sense of relief than to have Yuri forgive him for this – the guilt that had eaten away at him was gradually eroding.

 

“So, are there any other things you should be telling me but haven’t?” Yuri pouted, looking up at the skater.

Victor’s heart ached as he gently caressed Yuri’s face, fingers brushing lightly over his tear-stained cheeks. As he looked into the younger man’s eyes, Victor realised how ridiculously negligent he’d been of Yuri’s feelings. Here Victor had been, completely broken, but Yuri had come along into his life by a chance meeting. Yuri had changed him, and Victor couldn’t be more grateful that Yuri had always remained by his side. But the older man had been careless and you could almost say he’d clearly taken things for granted without properly sparing a thought for Yuri’s fragile heart.

 

Right now, Yuri’s question wouldn’t stop ringing in Victor’s head.

Indeed, Victor had finally revealed all he had to say about the violin, but there was something else nagging him. He watched as Yuri leaned gently into the touch of his hand and decided, it was now or never. This wasn’t going to be a mere gamble – there was a near 100% chance of success, right?

 

“Then I’ll be honest with you, Yuri. There is one more thing I should tell you,” Victor twined a lock of the younger man’s hair around his index finger, just as the pianist looked up at Victor with an expression that was a mix of anticipation and lingering disappointment.

Doing his best to hide his nervousness Victor held Yuri’s gaze, and closed the distance between their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the really, really late update! I’d been dealing with tons of assignment deadlines and will be facing exams in a week so please bear with me /hugs  
>  

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. They keep me going! Thanks for your support x


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